Grief – what I do when I’m missing my mum
Last month was the 2nd anniversary of my mum’s passing. This blog is inspired by her, and you can read more about the story of her passing here.
One of her dearest and best friends who now lives in Australia sent me a very loving email and that was very comforting.
Anyone who goes through the loss of a parent though will tell you that the pain is intense, may fade with time and sometimes comes back strongly at a time when you least expect it.
During the last two years I have found some more ways to deal with the process of moving through grief
So when I’m missing my mum, I do some of the things she used to do and it comforts me and gives me a feeling of continuity.
Mum was a great cook, and as she got older every time I visited the UK from the US she would give me some more of her recipes. Some were taken from Mrs Beaton’s cookbook (a British cooking bible), some from magazines and all were given a twist and flair because of her cooking skill.
If she was here now, she’d be blushing, because she always used to say “I’m just an ordinary cook”. In my opinion they are the best kind!
So when I’m missing my mum I cook
Here’s one little recipe book that my mum gave me a few years ago. She used to make the Cheese Straws, Melting Moments and Sponge Butterflies, which in the UK we also call ‘Fairy Cakes’.
When my oldest daughter Callie tasted the Fairy Cakes that my mum (her grandma) made for her, her eyes rolled back into her head). 🙂
We started thinking about taking recipes home once my mum moved into a more sheltered living situation.
Our family are very happy that Mum thought ahead about this, and so did we, because now I have more family memories to share with my children (via our taste-buds!).
Very powerful and also very comforting. So, perhaps if you haven’t thought of sharing recipes yet with a dear family member, if they are open to the conversation you may all find the process comforting.
When I’m missing my mum – I’ve also started wearing an apron like she did!
When I was young and then through the teenage years, I progressed through the inevitable stages of thinking that my mum was old-fashioned and that a lot of the stuff she did was just plain silly.
Apron-wearing was on that list, along with buying flatter shoes, wearing slippers in the house and buying skirts with a lining.
Now a mom myself in my late forties, I have to reluctantly concede that, of course, my mum was right. And strangely, I’m actually enjoying the process!
I like wearing an apron!
Having had to give up on relatively new t-shirts with apparently now indelible grease stains, I now wear an apron most of the time when I cook.
I like wearing an apron! What a discovery. It makes me feel more professional and helps me with the transition from other life activities to ‘now I’m cooking dinner’. It’s empowering and comforting at the same time.
What a pleasant surprise.
When I’m missing my mum and it’s really painful
The psychic medium John Edward states that “Grief is a process, we don’t ‘get over it’, we just move through it”.
Sometimes moving through the grieving process is quite simply painful. One of the ways I help myself release some of the pain is to use a homeopathic product called #7 Lung Meridian, or Grief. It was created by Dr Theresa Dale at The Wellness Center and is described as a ‘Neuro-Emotional Remedy’, or NER for short.
These NERS (and there are more than just one available) help us balance the emotions, energy meridians and organs when an emotional state is overwhelming. If you’re not familiar with homeopathy, you may want to visit a licensed homeopath to discuss using a remedy first so that you can learn more about homeopathy and how it works..
I have learned a little about meridians whilst studying reflexology and still have more to learn. This remedy works very well for me, and it makes absolute sense that it would be a ‘grief’ remedy if we think about the lungs and how we express grief (by crying for example, or having a very heavy feeling in the chest).
Recently reading Karen Noe’s book ‘Through the Eyes of Another’ – perhaps I’ll write a gratitude letter, too
My last post before this was a review of Karen Noe’s book ‘Through the Eyes of Another’. For more on the book review, click here.
Karen as a psychic medium found herself constantly relaying regrets – from loved ones who have passed onto those still living – about issues that had not been resolved during life.
She suggests clearing some of these issues by having your own life review before you transition to …whatever lies beyond this life. This involves writing letters to loved ones both alive and passed on in order to clear any issues you may have with them.
In her book Karen writes about the story of her deceased mother, who was able to read a gratitude letter from Karen before she passed. In fact Karen’s mom passed in 2011, after the first printing of the book. Here’s an excerpt from her story
…The day before she passed, she was unaware of what was going on around her. As she lay in bed, I was so happy to see the letter I had written to her laying on her desk. It had everything I needed to say, so I pulled up a chair and softly read those words to her. Although she had not responded earlier to anything, as I was reading my letter of love to her, the expression on her face completely changed, and she raised her hands to her mouth. She had heard me. What a blessing it was that I had already written down those perfect words and was able to read them to her during her final days. Everything I needed to say was said, and I had no regrets.
I was fortunate that my mum and I cleared any issues before she passed by talking about them. If that’s hard to do, then a letter would work just as well.
When it gets hard for me again during the process of moving through grief, I think I’ll write my mum a gratitude letter.